Awkward
by CapriciousCaper
Summary: 19/03/2013 Entry 1# ...rejection is the worst, but I think the type of rejection he gave me, is worse than the kind you get from confessing. What's awkward is, I have to live with him now, even after I thought we would never meet, here we are. Destiny, what a funny game you play. AU fic. Rated M for language and possible sexual themes in later chapters. NOT a oneshot.
1. 19th Turbulence

Title: Awkward

Summary: 19/03/2013 Entry 1# ...rejection is the worst, but I think the type of rejection he gave me, is worse than the kind you get from confessing. What's awkward is, I have to live with him now, even after I thought we would never meet, here we are. Destiny, what a funny game you play.

Genre: Romance

Type: AU

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Name: Haruno Sakura

Birthday: 18th June 1997

Emotion: Turbulence

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19/03/2013

My name is Sakura. It is nice to meet you. I never really planned to get a diary, but since Ino bought you for me, I guess I might as well make use of it. What a great starting speech isn't it? I never used diaries because... gee.. it was just too troublesome, but you're special. A sweet, electronic gadget is much better than any old, paper-filled book, no offence to all the book lovers out there, but writing is just too tiresome. Never being able to fully write everything you're feeling.

I'm fifteen and a half with a gene fuck-up. My hair is pink and my eyes, at a close, close, close look, are dark brown-green. A mucky mix-up of colors. Everyone I don't know thinks I'm a delinquent because they assume my hair is a dye-job and also because I have a short skirt. Actually it was attention-seeking whore, or slut, but when people say it with no-offence it automatically becomes some kind-of 'advice'. Did I mention, I kind of have a dislike of most people who just don't think, or consider others? I guess not, it's funny and hypocritical especially since I have to pretend to like some of those people.

This is the part I talk about my body isn't it? At least that's what it's like in all those smutty books, so I'll give it a shot, but oh, such a dilemma. To write it as Ino says... or to state it as I see it? Both I guess. Ino calls me petite, slim, with tiny legs, nice boobs and a small waist. I don't think so, and since I'm the one saying it, I'm allowed to be brutal. I'm short. Not to the point where it's cute, nope, I'm 5' 1. _Average_. I'm kind of slim, but when you hang around a lean 5'7 Ino all day, you, I tend to get quite self-conscious. She has no stomach. No abs, no flabs, nothing. It's like a stretch of skin simply to cover her organs. My boobies are currently a C-cup, but with today's new cut for us girls, more like an A cup. There is no way, I can wear my mom's bra so, therefore, I'm not a proper C-cup. My waist is average but getting smaller.. I'm working out four times a week to get my washboard abs but only a few people know, others call my obsessed, someone who has a problem.

Sorry, no, I'm not the one on the couch eating sodium-filled foods that will go straight to my cholesterol or fatty, oily foods that will clog up my heart.

If anything, I eat way more than all the skinny bitches at my school, but when one works out, one will get fitter and more toned than the flabby, skinny girl, and thus look thinner. This happens to be one of my pet peeves. Stupid people who judge other people. Back to criticizing my body. I'm slowly starting to love it. Exercise and beating records tends to boost your confidence. And my thigh gap. I don't have the bone-structure, so I thought it would never happen, but just when I thought so, my hips got bigger and thighs, leaner so, happy, happy.. day... for that day of course.

My face... well you know how most Asian chicks should look right? Or well at least the pretty, pretty ones with perfect skin? Doesn't matter if their Korean or Chinese or Japanese or whatever. Well I'm an Asian chick, and people tell me I look very pretty, but I don't think so. I have pretty big eyes with a fantastic double-eyelid, a high nose, but a BIG high nose, and full lips. Simply put, I look mix. But I don't look like a pretty mix. None of that exotic stuff going for me, and I tend to feel just a little inadequate in front of the foreign girls.

I'm Japanese, in case you, dear diary, couldn't figure it out. I'm kind of conservative, but kind of not. You get me? Well you will eventually. I have big dreams. Dreams of making it big in the world of fashion, and not just any kind of fashion, I'm planning to be the Asian Balenciaga. But, I would be just as happy with my own advertising company, or a model, but models can't be 5'1 so... Whatever.

I don't have a whole lot going for me, but I know how to adapt and read body language, tone and all that stuff pretty well. I can draw, I can study, I can do anything I put my mind to, or at least that's what mother dear tells me. She's cool, says I can do what I want as long as it's right. But what's right? What's wrong? Tch, fuck it, I'm not in the mood to psychoanalyze shit now.

I haven't had a boyfriend, and up until I was fourteen, was one of those shy girls who only had a few friends. Kind of sad isn't it? My dad is a lying, spitting cheater whom I am exploiting for anything expensive. Mom tells me not to, but hey, he's my dad right? And he hurt her, so I think he deserves it. He's also, probably is the one who is at fault for the shy girl syndrome thing. See I talk to girls fine enough but... Oh... man... wait.. what? Does this diary record voices or something... Holy shit this is cool!

Right right, so how is it his fault? Well for starters, I grew up in a house without dudes. That's right, no MALES. And I have douchebaggy cousins, so... Well enough of the pity party I think. All this extra, crazy stuff I just pulled out was just to, calm myself~

So here goes...

Today was turbulent, painful, gut-wrenching.. shitty to say the least.

It's my third year at ISJ, International School of Japan, and I still haven't gotten over Sasuke. It's stupid, and careless but, I really need closure, and to be able to get to that closure, I really need to calm down first or I'm going to end up doing something idiotic again.

Sasuke, Sasuke, Sasuke.

He is everything that is right in this world. Manly, eighteen, 6 foot, lean... he's totally my type. Then again, any guy with a flat belly is my type. Oh I fell deep this time. I fell for his personality, the gentle, almost vulnerable heart behind the strong, cool, exterior. And for a while, I thought that heart had opened up for me.

_"Oh my gosh INO! He put his arm around me! He doesn't do that to anyone!"_

_"He grew up in Australia Sakura, he does that to everyone..."_

_"No! NO! That's where you're wrong Ino.. He's the kind of person who's personal space matters to him, the same way mine matters to the Asian in me."_

_"Even so, what are you getting excited for? Friend-zoning! He probably does that to his friends."_

_"No way Ino, he even asked me to sit with him, I know this guy Ino, and I think, maybe, he's interested."_

_"Baka, he has a girlfriend remember?"_

_"Yea, but he broke up with her the day after he put his arm around me. What do you think that could mean?"_

_"That he's a player."_

_"No, no, I know Sasuke, even you have said stuff about him and me, I'm right Ino, mark my words, this guy, this guy is definitely into me."_

But for the first time, my body language skills completely failed me. I was wrong. I wasn't the only girl. I was just the only one, who didn't have the guts, who didn't have it in me, to be a normal friend with a guy like you. Dani, Aiko, and then Karin. One by one, they replaced me. Sitting beside you, talking to you, and each time I would make an excuse. I knew you were just friends, and yet, I still thought you liked me.

First Dani, when we were still getting to know each other, she as your classmate, took your attention away from me, simply because she was used to you and could talk to you easily. And then Aiko, two years younger, but with twice the personality. You guys were so close you sat together everyday. When she finally transferred, I thought, at last, my chance. And that chance, it lasted a long time.

6 months Sasuke, 6 months of me agonizing, believing you liked me, believing that I was special. But still, it was my eyes that betrayed me. The eyes that saw the smiles you gave me. The ears that heard the weirdest, most private things being told to me. The ears that heard you say, you would tell me all about your breakup with Ami, when you had told no one else. In those 6 months, I thought we had become closer, so much closer.

And then Karin moved to the district, and got on our bus. Things just went downhill from there. See, Mr. Diary, Karin was one of the popular girls. Tall, long legs, flat washboard abs, long hair and beautiful features. She's a mix too you see, only, she is a prettier mix than I am. Because of her birthday, she was sorted into my class and, well she is the girl, that has dated everyone. She has kissed dozens of boys. The only thing I have over her? My boobs. My curves. My grades. Not much else. She is outgoing, fun, spirited and talks easily to almost anybody. Except me.

She started trying to hit on Sasuke. She would run to the back and talk with him, she clung to him all the time, and all this happened, when me and Sasuke, we were finally going somewhere. He and I stayed seemingly as close, sharing food that he didn't share with her. He would drink carelessly from my bottle and not hers, and my stupid, stupid heart, fell further. I couldn't help it.

I gave him rides all the time, he acknowledged me before her. But, I ended up being stupid. I'm the one that made them closer, and Karin benefitted from it. I convinced them to walk back together, since they live in the same area. Ever since then.. since then... Sasuke and I started becoming further apart. The staircase chats we had were no more, and I couldn't understand why.

You, you began cod-shouldering me. Not much, but after my stupid actions, asking my friend to ask if you liked me, it became obvious. I was desperate. I guess to you, who had already become so distant, I was being needy and clingy when the relationship hadn't warranted it. I was idiotic. What guy wouldn't feel creeped by such an emotional text? I'm trying so hard right now not to ruin my diary by dropping tears on it, but it really hurt you know?

When a girl confesses to someone, she pours her soul out. She grabs her guts by the handful and goes to the guy that keeps making her heart flutter, her skin tingle, to tell him she likes him. That text was like my confession. I had acknowledged, that we probably could never be, I had begun to heal, to remove the stupid crush I had on you. I just wanted to be friends again, to know what I did, that made you dislike me.

But like any girl would say, rejection is the worst. Especially when you, the person it was going to, is someone special. Very special. It really hurt you know? I think the type of rejection you gave me, though? Was the worst kind. Because to my female, overthinking mind, it meant you were rejecting my whole being. But destiny, what a funny game you play.

I never thought we would talk much after that text, and once again I started to heal. But you just couldn't let that happen could you? You had to come back. You had to bring your goddamned eighteen year-old ass back to school, and I had to see you again. I asked so many people you know? Why this would happen? And each of them told me you liked me. So I tried believing in destiny, and, after a long while, told you I liked you. In a million words as my specialty was.

How much did I creep you out? I'm sorry you know? But I really, honestly, honestly thought that you would never appear before me again. I did. I swear, it's the only reason I made you tell me something so awkward. But goddamned it, destiny you bitch, you had to make my life awkward didn't you? I have to live with the man my mother is engaged to, who happens to be Sasuke's dad. So I've got to live with him now, and be reminded of the stupid teenage mistake I made. The stupid trust I gave, and how stupid I am, because now, now...

I'll never be able to get over him.

Haruno Sakura.

Faking Sick.

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What do you think? I know Sasuke is kinda OOC but it's still kind of him.

Review it please. :)


	2. 20th Sadness

Title: Awkward

Summary: 19/03/2013 Entry 1# ...rejection is the worst, but I think the type of rejection he gave me, is worse than the kind you get from confessing. What's awkward is, I have to live with him now, even after I thought we would never meet, here we are. Destiny, what a funny game you play.

Genre: Romance

Type: AU

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Name: Haruno Sakura

Birthday: 18th June 1997

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Date: 20/13/2013

Time: 10.30 a.m.

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Emotion: Sadness

Dear Diary,

Or should I call you Mr. Diary? I'm still debating. Today's kind of the official first day I'm using you. Don't I sound just the little bit porn-y there? Hah. Well yesterday's was kind of like my prologue, only it's for a diary. I wonder if there's an official term thingy for it. See if I were to put Mr. Diary, there's going to be some form of grammar needed before it. I'm not a grammar Nazi or anything but man, come on, it's a pretty simple thing that shouldn't be overlooked.

I'm in my room now with a ginger and salt drink about to burn the insides of my throat and a fever patch stuck to my forehead. Been sick for about four days and I have a feeling that it's because of the bomb mom dropped on me. I'm still hoping it was a dream but... no, I really do have to live with Sasuke and I really don't want to. I'm going to try to stay sick for as long as I can. I don't care if my cramps murder me or if my brain suddenly decides it needs to die or something, I really, really don't want to see Sasuke again.

When someone tells you they like you, be nice about it. Tell them you don't like them, or you like them but it can't happen.. something! But, again, Sasuke didn't. I had to pry it out of his lips, those pouty.. soft... er, chap stick needing lips. Damn it I'm sorry I fantasize about Sasuke sometimes. You feel quite shameful after it you know? But you feel weirder when someone tells you they don't like you, but they had beat their meat thinking about you. Once.

Yes that's right Sasuke did. He was all "I don't know how innocent you are, blah-dee-blah". "I've fantasized about you." "I don't like you."

I'm sorry then why didn't you wank to anyone else? A playmate maybe. I don't think I'm hot enough for people to consider me masturbate material, and I really wouldn't want to be. So what is it with your logic Sasuke?

Cough. Cough.

That was an actual cough. Damnit diary you don't need to put that down. Damned missing delete buttons. Okay so maybe Sasuke would feel weirder, but considering you told me about your first boner? Why Sasuke WHY!? I feel so, so weird you know?

And, it doesn't make sense. At all. Like, the only thing that makes sense is you do like me, but because you were going to go to America soon, you didn't want to start anything. Well the jokes on you now! Your dad decided that you needed to stay back a year to work for him, and prepare for your SATs here, not to mention that you only graduated with a High School Diploma and the universities you want to go to need an AP for it's qualifications, along with everything else of course. So now you are going to have to go to school with me because you need their library and daddy can't be bothered to send you to school at another time. Hmmph!

Mom's back now. Just heard the noisy, revved up engine of her new baby enter the driveway. I swear, it's cars like that that are polluting the air. Seriously. I'm going to pretend to be half-asleep. She doesn't need to know about my diary.

Hmm, I wonder what I'm going to have for breakfast? Not muesli again I hope.

Haruno Sakura.

Hungry.

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12.30 p.m.

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Emotion: Dejected, Annoyed, Pissed Off, Slight Resignation

Dear Diary,

Hi again. I think I'll stick with dear, it's easier and, well, just easier. I'm going to talk about something else since I really am so, so mad. I HAVE TO MOVE IN TODAY UGHHH! Well talking about something else didn't work...

Sigh.

Mom said I have to pack my things and go with her to "our" new house today. It's not our. We're still going to live here. Maybe. When oba-sama comes home then we stay with her, but meanwhile, I don't have that luxury. She and Fugaku-san are having an early "engagement vacation" together and she feels worried leaving me at home alone. Oh I'm sure you do, what with the massive poodle we have and the one maid that comes daily in the morning when I'm still asleep. No you just want me and Sasuke to get along, so that way when you guys get married properly, you can fuck like bunnies, properly, and we can't do a thing about it. I don't get that logic, but it's hers.

I overheard her telling Fugaku-san about the honeymoon and how his son disapproves and how I don't approve. Look mommy, I love you a lot, and you can do what you want, I just don't want to live with Sasuke while you go on a month-long vacay, and then for the honeymoon disappear for a six-month vacation, but obviously you don't get that.

Oh such a bother. What to pack, what to pack. I can't even delay the damn process anymore, like if I fake-faint, I go to the hospital, mom finds out about my fake fainting, BOOM, bye-bye sleepover at Ino's house. I'll probably get stress-cramps again or something, but she knows when it's actually hurting 'cause I turn green but, gawwwwwwd! I REALLY DON'T WANT TO DO THIS!

Oops, I yelled that out and mom yelled back at me. Well thank god for voice-differentiating microphones.

Okay okay, to pack, uh, what do I need? Kay... first cosmetic products, workout clothes are a must. Weights, shoes, my planner, the ginormous t-shirts and shorts that I always wear. No skimpy tank tops because I have to live with some guy, possibly guys, now. Like Sasuke's friends, Naruto - The Headmaster's nephew, he's dating the hottie of my class' older sister, what's her name... Sarah? Well I'm supposed to hate her because Hinata has the biggest crush on him so, alright fine, I hate her. Not really.

#Sorrysonotsorry.

Then besides Naruto, there's Gaara, same year, but he's repeating so, technically he's older. And since he's pretty close to Naruto and Sasuke, his whole family thing is close to Sasuke's. JOY! Can you feel the sarcasm? So, let's see, Gaara, Naruto, Kiba - Douche, douche and... douche. He is such a douche that his douchebaggyness just keeps amazing everyone. He's a Jap too. Everyone is a Jap. Racist much? Anyway he grew up in Canada and is a complete manslut. But other than that, he's nice enough to me so, okay, whatevs. And after Kiba, is Neji, also a good friend of Sasuke. Everyone is his good friend actually. How annoying.

Neji, very cute, I've fantasized about him once. His body is deliciously heterosexual, face, very charming, hair... not so much. Like, he has such pretty hair. It is so pretty, pretty doesn't describe it, so there you have it. Homosexy hair with Heterosexy body. He also knew about me liking Sasuke. Along with his friend Shino.

I don't get it, everyone, and I mean everyone, is friends with someone who is not in their year, except me, other than Ino of course but like... yeah. Ino is one of them, she's this guy's Deidara's half-sister, who just so happens to be Sasuke's brother's friend. Wow there's a lot of relations going on.

So I can't really remember shit and I have to pack now, I think we are going to leave in like, thirty minutes so great, I have to pack my life's worth of shit, in twenty, because mom always leaves early, NO MATTER WHAT.

So talk to you later Sophie. That's right, your new name is Sophie, following Sofia from Dan Brown's book The Da Vinci Code.

Haruno Sakura.

In Deep Shit.

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5.30 p.m.

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Emotion: Fuck This Shit - It's not an emotion but FTS bitch.

Dear Sophie,

By the gods I am recrowning Kiba. No longer is he the king of Douchebag land, that title belongs to Sasuke now. He can have the region of Petty Man-Bitch too. Like seriously, your situation is so NOT as bad as mine okay? I've decided that you like me now, but you haven't realized that yet and you don't know just how much you like me, so this is more painful, awkward, embarrassing along with any adjectives you can find, for me. Okay? It is more, more, more, more, more, more shit too. Definitely, more shit.

There was this embarrassing situation when I gave a senior my confession letter. And he rejected me. While screaming. Yeah this is worse than that time.

But damn it all Mr. Duck-butt you are still as deliciously fuckable as ever. Your face at least. That hair is hot too, but that body needs some pushups. I'm thinking fifty. :)

So let's start from the beginning. Sort of. So I grabbed the biggest suitcase and duffel, threw all my things in, packed my stylish, studded big black -cock/ no bag, and sulked for about ten minutes to get to Sasuke's modern, snazzy two-story place, during which I listened to Steve Grand and tried not to picture Sasuke as the All-American Boy because he's Japanese and I don't like Asian guys. Okay, I'm lying again.

Mom tries talking to me, which pisses me off a bit because she was trying to justify what she was doing to me so I changed my tunes over to Avenged Sevenfold, a band that sadly, Sasuke introduced me to. Maybe I should delete all the music I've found through him?

Well when we arrived, my new step-dad was waiting for us. He's a pretty cool guy I suppose. Crisp, pale blue shirt and navy pants. He's got grey hair streaked liberally with black and white, something similar to a striped Dalmatian. Only he's a male, classy one I suppose. My mom's name is Mikoto Ayaka. It's really creepy how her maiden name, is the same as Fugaku's past wife. I think it's a bit sad that he's remarrying, and I think Sasuke might resent me for it. Especially since it's his dad's first remarriage.

Fugaku reminded me somewhat of an aloof Siamese cat after I thought his hair could be a Dalmatian. He was purring, in a manly, subtle way and I think if I had not been there, there would have been some good-old-fashioned hand-on-boob action. Probably some kissing too. He told us that Itachi was out, and Sasuke was home, and then he hollered for Sasuke which then led to some very awkward events.

So we 'officially' meet when Fugaku has helped us take our things into the house and Sasuke has to help me take my stuff in because my rooms is upstairs, along with Sasuke's. Good planning I guess. If step-dad and mom get their freak on, at least I won't have to hear very much. It's a nice place. Colored opaque glass, wooden banisters. You walk into the house and you'll see the living room, a frosted glass separates it from the dining room and island-kitchen combo. There's a garden outside with a pool and Jacuzzi. They also have a dog. Which hates me.

_"Okay Sasuke see you! Say hi to your dog for me would you?"_

_"See you. Hey why don't you come in instead?"_

_"Can I?"_

_"Sure."_

_*BARK*_

_"Oh my god it hates me. Don't hate me doggie!"_

_"He's just not used to strangers."_

_"Yeah, well I better go aha, bye."_

I still think about what could have been if I wasn't such a coward and had gone in.

So Sasuke walks down the stairs all languid and relaxed, he sees me, remembers that I have to live with him, and boom-cha-cha-da-ding. He just... turned into a robot. Stiff. Oh yeah, STIFF.

Unfortunately for me? I end up remembering a really sweet dream I had last night. Which involved him and hottie of my class. It wasn't a threesome but, okay maybe I should do it like this.

_I was the most beautiful place imaginable. Clear skies, doves flying high above me. The grass is so green it hurts my eyes and the flowers are so bright I feel not very unpretty. And then I see him. Not Sasuke. I see Andrew. Tall, lean and tan. His white shirt is tight across his chest, dark blue boardshorts and his dirty blonde hair were all very jaw-drop inducing. _

You see, once, a long time ago (last year), he popped into class to give our teacher a note. He was shirtless, wet, with water droplets glistening on his abs and the sunlight hitting him _just_ right. I finally knew what lust meant when that happened. Anyway...

_He smiles at me, and hugs me. And I thought, oh my gosh he has broken up with Karin. It's my turn._

Karin has this thing where she dates every possible male in the grade. The sequence this time, went like this. Karin hits on Andrew, Andrew falls, she dumps. And then during our yearly camp trip, Karin fell and Andrew didn't even hit. Does that make sense? Yeah so...

_We end up in a playground in the air and I'm leaning on him. It's absolutely wonderful you see. We are all close and snuggly, and I think we kiss. Yes, yes, we kiss passionately. I didn't feel his tongue though and I still haven't lost my first kiss, but it was still a nice kiss. And I put had on his shoulder and it is all sugar and candy canes. _

_Then I 'wakeup' in my dream, and Sasuke is beside me. I don't even remember what happens but we end up in school, he gives me a whole piece of chicken, we run away from little kid-zombies and just as we are about to get it on- I think- I wake up._

Very frustrating.

So because I remember the dream, I now remember my X-rated thoughts about having him kiss me, and take all my firsts, which would involve me then buying pills and sexy lingerie and coming onto him. I also imagined going down on him, so, I was hoping my face wasn't very red when we made eye contact. Not that he would notice since he kinda just did not look at me.

He helped me take my things upstairs to a really nice room with a connecting bathroom. To his. And this will make me sound shameless but oh, he smelled so, so good. Clean, fresh, minty and oh, so sexy. All he needed to do was ask and I would have dropped my panties right then and there. Of course, they would have gotten stuck in my jeans but oh well, what's the harm with a little imagination.

So back to why he's a douche.

His dad insisted on taking us out for lunch, which was awkward. I tried talking to him but he just rebuffed me each time. Something like, when I asked him if he comes here often, he replies with:

"Why do you want to know?"

And then I tried to defend myself and he said:

"Don't Sakura, it's annoying and creepy."

Well so much for being nice huh? Maybe next time if time turns back I won't share my chicken teriyaki bento with you. Jerk.

And after that, when we are being served, like, I'm opposite him, so I feel really awkward and I couldn't move. But god was nice and sent me a sexy waiter. Brunette, do-me eyes, do-me jaw, do-me shirt with do-me collarbones. The smoking guy was checking me out, and I didn't have a reason not to make eye contact with him okay? So I did... and smiled a little, you know, just a quirking of the lips. I may have stuck my chest out a little, flipped my hair. But hey I knew what I was getting into okay?

So it's all just body language flirting, and then I start eating. Guess what? Sasuke is staring at me. Like, his eyes are narrowed, he's got a tiny little frown-wrinkle between his eyebrows, and I just don't get why he did that. All disapproving and shit. Please, you are not the owner of this body, but I am sad to say that while I was thinking of that, I was also noticing his eyelashes and lovely onyx eyes.

How shameless am I?

So we finish, and my irritation is just building you know? He keeps glaring at me and it was seriously pissing me off. So I asked him, what was his problem. He just turned his head away and ignored me. What? What?

Buddy what the fuck in the nine sticks up Hades' ass is your problem?

No offence Hades.

You're a cool guy.

Honest.

And then we got home, Ino skyped me about her latest date and well, it ended up needing two hours to tell me about it.

Haruno Sakura.

Vented and Rested.

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7.45 p.m.

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Emotion: I don't know.

Dear Sophie,

I am such a girl. I am so much of a girl, it's pathetic. What are the millions of emotions running through me right now? How do I identify each one when the English language simply isn't sufficient to cover it all? I'm not angry. But I can certainly be angry if I need to. I'm not sad. But I want to be held and not judged. I've gone through at least three major emotions this whole day and I'm tired. Exhausted.

Mother and Fugaku went out for dinner, Naruto came over to eat with Sasuke and hang out. I've just stayed in my room all day. I don't know what to do. What to say, what I'm allowed to do or say. I've never been thrown into a situation I couldn't adapt to, but I just don't know how to do this. My arms are in a bad-tingly feeling glove and the skin above my heart feels painful.

I feel suffocated, my stomach aches and I haven't eaten dinner. If I go down I'll see the golden retriever and then I'll miss Sago. Why couldn't I bring a friend? I'm so unfamiliar in this place, I just don't know what to do.

Haruno Sakura.

I don't know again.

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11.30 p.m.

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Emotion: Sad

Dear Sophie,

I want to go back to school. At least there I know I belong.

So I decided to stop being stupid and I put on a decent outfit to go downstairs, but the moment I went down I felt awkward already. Sasuke and his friends were on the couch, a beer or two with each guy and a game on the telly. Naruto had brought his friends over so Gaara and Neji, Kiba, they were all there. He even brought Sarah and Andrew over. The moment I walked down, everyone stopped, and turned.

I've never had so many eyes on me before, and I know why I always avoided it. It feels terrible.

Well I just ignored them and walked to the kitchen, pulled out my premade bento that mom left for me and went back upstairs. The retriever was over with Sasuke and I was hoping it would just ignore me.

It didn't.

My amazing ninja-like reflexes prevented me from dropping my bento, but I tripped and fell. In front of seven people.

But damn Tsunade-sama would be proud of me. I didn't show any emotion, I just got up and walked to my room, dare I say it, confidently.

Ah, I guess you wouldn't know who Tsunade-sama is. She's a doctor in the States. Head surgeon in three departments: Cardiology, neurology and something to do with bones and ligaments. She is really cool and has a drive that inspires me. I met her once at a bar where she caught me with a fake I.D. Instead of handing me over to the cops, she bought me a whiskey and laughed while I choked.

_"Don't ask for a drink if you can't handle it kid."_

She uses the same motto for anything else and just changes the words around. We kept in touch when she left over Skype and Facebook with weekly calls and daily quick chats. The advice she gives me, the knowledge she shares, I'm grateful for it.

I ended up being a bed potato up until now. Watching a drama about a girl who cross-dresses and enters a boys high school because of a guy she likes, whom she wants to inspire. Hana Kimi, it's called. She's pretty cool, but also pretty stupid. It's such an important year, why would you waste it on a guy? Sure he did something for you but, I just wouldn't do that for a guy I guess.

Overall today was an uneventful day where I productively did nothing. I don't want tomorrow to come but I think I need to woman up, as Tsunade-sama says.

_"Man up is to empower the male, and you don't want anymore testosterone in you, so woman up and play your strengths as a female Sakura._

Haruno Sakura.

Preparing for battle.

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Rate and review guys. What do you think of the style I'm using?

:)


	3. 21st Ready For The Day

Title: Awkward

Summary: 19/03/2013 Entry 1# ...rejection is the worst, but I think the type of rejection he gave me, is worse than the kind you get from confessing. What's awkward is, I have to live with him now, even after I thought we would never meet, here we are. Destiny, what a funny game you play.

Genre: Romance

Type: AU

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Name: Haruno Sakura

Birthday: 18th June 1997

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Date: 21/13/2013

Time: 7.45 a.m.

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Emotion: Ready for the day!

Hi Spohie!

I mean Sophie! I'm actually typing all this out because the whole house is ridiculously quiet AND I think Kiba is asleep in the mini corridor we have. I've got this feeling that if I make the slightest sound, everyone will wake up. Don't get me wrong I'm not being cowardly anymore, it just takes a while to get completely ready for the day and I still have a couple of things to do.

Well first is my morning workout. A very painful combination of squats, burpees and high knees that takes about forty minutes. I don't know how I'm going to do this quietly but everyone here probably has a hang over and I think I'll feel bad if I end up giving them a bigger headache. I'm all dressed in a Speedo top and a pair of cropped leggings. I'll throw on a shirt later, when I'm ready to go. I've already had breakfast - an apple. Not filling, but great for energy. :)

Remember what I said about woman-ing up? Well I'm nervous, but I'm just going to treat them as strangers. Take them all at face value and try my damned hardest not to analyze their body language. There's a really nice park just down the road with benches and bushes, so I guess I'll just take my iPod and pepper spray, you can never be too careful yeah?

Mom said not to work out, but I'm feeling better than I did yesterday and sweating everything out is the way to go. I remember as a really little kid I had a fever. A high one. I ran around in the sun all day with hourly breaks and iced bottled water, was all well and healed the next day. No need for any of those lame ass antibiotics. No offence, I'm sure doctor's work really hard and stuff, and so do scientists, but all that medicine wreaks havoc on my tummy, which the doctor still hasn't figured out why I have such pains so... yeah no, it's not happening.

I had another dream last night. I'm sure of it, but it was the weirdest, oddest kind of dream. In a good way, but still weird.

_Okay so Loki, my dear sweet, handsome, delicious Loki... Switched bodies with me. And then I wasn't Loki or Tom but Sakoki, which sounds really weird and does not suit me at all, in any way or form, and my baby, the lovely, smart, handsome Tom Hiddleston became Tora Hiddlera. WHAT KIND OF SICK JOKE IS THIS? It was so incredibly weird and apparently he and I were in some kind of destiny _together_.. That's right, _He and I = Destiny Together_. Be jealous suckers._

_Anyway we had to find these scrolls with little swirly symbols on them and were in different colors. Purple, green, silver, pink and one other one. Gold? Or were those colors for the lingerie I bought in the dream? Yeah well after we found the scrolls we had to go fight some wicked wizard who I think is Thor and the plot twist here is, DUN DUN DUN DUNNNNNNNNN! Switched at birth. You heard me!_

_But I got smexy delicious GOOD Loki and Thor is evil. Like, sorry guys but Thor is not my type. I still don't get why I had to switch bodies with Loki and wedge our names together but maybe it's to show that our destinies are intertwined eh?_ _But that isn't the best part. So we arrive in the throne room and it's all gaudy and gold, AND THEN WE GET LOCKED UP IN GOLD STRIPPER CAGES. I'd love to see Hiddles strip and everything but, no, I am not a stripper and never will be. But here's the good part:_

_They put my babe down and then, Channing Tatum appears, in nothing but a jock strap, and then Ryan Reynolds appears in a G-string, and let's just say, now I know why men love strip bars. I'd love them too if all them strippers were like this okay? Let's just say that by the end of the night, in my dream, I would've needed a shower, EB pills and a lot of concealer. _

_Things got very, very X-rated okay?_

_But one thing, Ryan Smexasexy was not thirty. He was twenty-five. Okay guys?_

_So anyway, from my lovely strip bar with the purple fliers and nudity, to a ballroom. And I've changed clothes three times. From a ninja outfit, to a half pant-half skirt combo, and now, I look positively scandalous. Let's take this slow shall we? On my head is a tiara, with little porcelain roses and green leaves. My hair is wavy and strawberry-blonde. I have half-a-ton of makeup with fake eyelashes and dark vampy lips._

_I have a leather jacket on and stripper boots with laces and bondage-like latex up to just below my butt. I'm wearing a tiny, freaking TINY little panty that is flimsy and slinky. My boobs are in a transparent pink... thing... and are boosted with at least a foot of padding in an invisible pushup bra. I have a PVC corset on, and get this, my nipples are gone. As in gone-gone. Never there-gone. So I look like some kind of soft-core porn baby._

_And have I mentioned this yet? I'm in a ballroom. One with Grecian pillars and storey-high windows. There is one massive chandelier that reaches the middle of the ballroom that connects to a fountain that has sand surrounding it that gradually becomes marble. All the men are in suspenders and boxers, and the women are in more or less the same thing I'm wearing._

_AND THEN, I see Sasuke. He's the only one is normal clothes and he's walking over. He pulls me into a secluded room, I'm touching his suddenly shirtless body, AND BOOM!_

I WAKE UP! So it was weird, but hey a lot of my fantasies came through and I have great taste. In fact, I have rich taste. The freaking curtains in the ballroom had diamonds okay? And who doesn't want Channing Tatum in a jockstrap? If you don't, go see a doctor. Unless you are male or dislike males in general. Then it's fine. I guess.

No judging Sophie. I'm sixteen, I'm allowed to be as sexual as any boy is now. Unless he's nerdy and doesn't get much action... then I really... actually am like that. ERGO the fantasies. :)

I want a porn mag. Like a playgirl mag, mmmh all those delicious male specimens oh damn.

Yeah well.

I can't.

Why?

Because mommy checks my shit all the time.

Which is also why I haven't propositioned Sasuke yet...

Don't judge me you darn electronic device! You have absolutely no right!

Anyway, quick selfie, about five. Go through the pictures and add multiple effects to whiten and beautify myself... hate everything without effects.. and DONE.

Okay Sophie I'll see you later.

Haruno Sakura.

Normal & Red-Blooded.

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Time: 10.30 a.m.

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Emotion: Still Roaring and Ready

Sophie-chan,

Maybe I should call you that? Indecisive little miss aren't I? I have the baddest habit of copying accents or ways of talking. Like the one time I finished America's Next Top Model Season 15, 16, and 17 all in one day. A little pathetic wasn't I? Well by the end of the day I was talking like a ghetto black girl who said "Dayumm" in every sentence and if you didn't see my face, well my name would be Yolanda then.

No seriously.

Anyway, my workout is all done. One and a half hours. Fan-freaking-tastic I should say. I think I passed the forty-minute mark way, way, wayyyy too far but oh well. Strong today sore tomorrow right? I am such a fan of Cassey Ho. She's this cool pilates instructor who inspires the life into you and takes it away with her killer-instinct inducing workout.

I don't believe I've ever cursed while working out. Or thought my legs would legit fall off.

Well, *Slow* *Slow* *Clap*, good job Cassey.

So I finished my workout and walked back into the house... BEEP BEEP BEEP! RED ALERT

Brain: "Hey Sakura dearie, it's time to put you in another awkward situation so you can make a fool out of yourself which is why _I will not tell you that Sasuke just opened the door and you will walk straight into him, molest his torso while you wonder why the wall you walked into is so warm, slip your hand under his shirt, realize the wall is human, and then you shall jump backwards screeching in humiliating horror, trip, fall forward and land with your face inches away from his disco stick. Nevermind the laws of Physics says you should actually have fallen backward. I'm just going to screw this up for you and make life harder._

But, I did not cow to my brain's whims, in fact... I over-exceeded it. That's right... While trying to regain my footing.. I touched it, and here's some more food for thought. It got hard. So I turned red, said OH MY FUCKING GOD, stood up, ran inside the house, ran back outside to take of my shoes, bumped into Neji, ran upstairs, took my shower and here I am.

So far so good huh? I'll say I didn't look as embarrassed as I felt. If anything I feel bad for Sasuke. Who wants to get a boner in front of a girl he told did nothing to him sexually? Probably not many people. XDXD

So now I'm in a massive tee and my tiny shorts that are green, loose and not in any way trashy. My hair is up with it's recent highlights fading and running onto my shirt. Thank god it's black.

I've had a revelation.

Maybe all these sexual awkward situations are happening because my sexual gland in the brain has recently awakened and is going crazy. Hmm. More food for thought.

Oh I want food. What to eat? Something to restore my electrolytes with just enough carbs, protein and fibre. No Sakura not instant noodles. Washboard abs. Think of the sexy and creepy stares you'll get. Oh damn creeps. Eeesh. Oh... hmm... ugh muesli again. Do they have yoghurt or chocolate milk? Or both? And some bananas?

Mmm Banana's...

_"Sakuraaaa_chy-an... it's the banana in the pants that count. Not the brain."_

_"I don't care Ino. Sixteen is not my ideal age to be adept at comparing dick sizes."_

_"But it's fun and-"_

_"Mean. Now go back to Rick or whoever it was you were at second-base with."_

_"But S-haaaakuraaaaa"_

_"No."_

And that is the basic conversation we had. Note, I omitted a lot of things she said since I'm still typing and I don't need a house full of males to hear that.

Speaking of males, it reminds me of this one time Ino and I went to Jakarta on a school trip, and when these really cute guys passed our room, we started moaning really loudly. You know how in pornos the fake lesbos do a lot of false stuff? Yeah we did all that. Even had a script. And then we got Hinata to creep up behind them and videotape them.

Hilarious...

Well that's all for now Sophie.

Haruno Sakura.

A bit overly-sexual methinks.

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12.45 p.m.

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Emotion: Hmmm...

Hey Sophie,

I just remembered something from my dream, and it's not crazy or anything.. but really sweet. Like Tumblr Love sweet.

So I had gone down to have my lunch, mom was home and had bought Kanako's Krazy Beef Stew for all of us. Being the meat-loving ox I am I rushed down, completely ignoring Sasuke and Naruto who were on the couch. Let me tell you guys, Kanako, is crazy. She has the most tender chunks of beef that is cooked in a thick stew of Italian spices, chillies and somehow mixes in miso paste which blends in beautifully.

It's a total tongue-gasm just eating the stew.

We sat down in fours, the red placemats reminding me of blood on a white table was not pleasant, but whatever, it was beef stew you know? Well I was beside mom and opposite Sasuke, and that is when it happened.

See I finally remembered that when I woke up this morning, my lips were tingling a little, and then during lunch I could see Sasuke's very soft looking lips in front of me, AND BOOM my missing dream piece came to me.

I didn't even know it was gone actually so Hah.. nevermind not funny.

_So it's the occasion is our yearly family Christmas trip and I have no idea where we are. The place has some kind of indoor pool and escalators that lead to an 18's over section while I'm still sixteen so I have to go elsewhere. It's kind of blank but I remember taking a dip with cousin Yuuta - gay buddy - and then, suddenly I'm at the other end of the pool, and some other guy is on the other side._

_So I swim to the other side, and I go straight through the walls and up onto a grey marble floor. My family is on the other side and some guy I seem to be close to in the dream is egging me on. I jump in with my goggles haphazard thinking I'm going to get salt-water in my eyes and I take a breather after I've jumped in. Wow I can breathe underwater?_

_Well then I yell at him underwater that he's supposed to wait for me and then I swim over to him. He's laying on his back now, sort of floating I guess, and then I plant one on him and oh my god, his lips are incredibly soft. And I remember closing my eyes to kiss him. Anyway we've kissed and I feel excited but the me in the dream is acting like this is normal, and then she/me puts her head on his stomach and he starts doing pull-ups underwater._

_Even odder, he looks like a mix of this gorgeous Korean Idol (I'd rather not say who) and my equally handsome osananajimi - who is the one guy that I'm impossibly close to- combined. Except for the tan skin. I'd like to know where he got it from. -.-_

_But hot damn I want to meet this guy. My heart lurched at that sweet kiss and I want another one... OOOOH my lips are tinglingggggg._

So yeah I recalled it and Sasuke started looking at me weirdly while listening to Naruto yell at the video-game he was playing.:)

I haven't done much since my last time entry. Basically just conking out and watching CSI: NY. It's so cool, but I think they've started forgetting the tiny details, or I'm getting dumb but I hope that isn't the case. I've also gained a kilo and grown half-an-inch WOOHOO! I'm onto season 7 and wow Joe or whatever her full name is, she is cool. And so observant.

_"Her perfume is sweet but not floral, a man gave it to her."_

_And then befuddled Mac Taylor says : "Do you know her mother's maiden name?"_

What a riot!

Well Ino is coming over later and I want to have a Skype call with my babe Haku. He's shy and quiet, good-looking. He's also the closest thing in the world to me, aside from mom. I tell him anything and everything, almost, and he is still the sweetest most lovable guy in the world. It's just that his foster dad get's a bit strict and Haku is a bit of an old soul so people don't get him that well.

We went to kindergarten together and he was my boyfriend at that time. Haha I can safely say I stole all twenty of his first kisses. I'd be like, bye bye, MUAH. And then he would yell at me. He moved away after that, and then came back in year 2. It was awkward then and I think I pushed him away which makes me feel really guilty. Then two years ago I found him on facebook and chatted with him ever since.

We had an almost relationship, but once the label girlfriend came on, sorry, it was just too weird. I couldn't be easy and relaxed around him anymore so... :(

And that idiot lives all the way in Greenland, as I know it, The Land Of Goddamned-Snow-In-Your-Crack-And-Ear. Not the prettiest. -.- It should follow it's name... seriously.

Anyway I'm planning to make a trip there eventually but I don't know if I ever can. Oh damn which reminds me that I need to call Hina-chan. (Not sure why that triggered the memory.)

Toodles Sophie.

Haruno Sakura,

Forgetful but never Forgettable.

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Time: 5.29

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Oh. My. God. Sophie.

You would never believe what happened.

Ever.

Ever.

Okay so maybe you can because you have to absorb everything I have to say and I mean that literally but oh my god. I can't believe this. At ALL!

Back to the beginning. I was in bed, as I always am, waiting for a handsome stranger to kiss me... Kay no, I was watching Coffee Prince and damn it I wanted a bath scene you know? So it was my second time watching it and wow I laughed so hard and cried at all the happy-sad-funny-depressing moments. So anyway, I ended up doing that for only two hours and skipping a lot of scenes, and then at like, 3-ish.. guess who comes home?

Guess who?

Guess!

Not Sasuke duh, he's already home.

Not Naruto - Taken

Not Gaara or Kiba or any of them malesies.

It was TSGWEMAVASBTGOE A.K.A - The-Sexy-God-Who-Exudes-Maculinity-And-Virility-And-Should-Be-The-God-Of-Eros!

Actually I think he is the God of Eros, only incarnate. Damn I'd like to be his Aphrodite. Mmm 3

Oh yeah he's Uchiha Itachi, Sasuke's older, hotter, sexier, smoking AND smoldering brother.

Yes that's right. It was just like the movies when he walked in. But first let me describe him.

He is six-foot two of pure erotic male. Angular features with deep troughs from the corner of his eye just reaching his cheekbones, and those cheekbones.. could cut glass. He has a jawline that is similar to Angelina Jolie, but damn he would still be hotter than her male OR female. His skin is naturally pale and he recently has the slightest shade of a tan. Above his cheekbones are two deep-set eyes with dark grey-black pupils, compared to Sasuke's that has a blue tint, Itachi's is warm.. but far cooler than Sasuke could ever be.

He has a tall straight nose any that Korean would kill to have and lips that are full, a touch wide, but somehow still thin. Onto his neck, he has the most sexy Adam's apple there. I don't know why I find it attractive, it just is. Next are his collarbones. Oh I want to kiss it so badly. Itachi is long and lean with wiry muscle and taut skin stretched over it. I've seen him swim once, at a school swim meet three years ago and I have never, ever forgotten the sight that made my _ovaries **explode.**_

Like a model, he pulled himself out of the water. His broad lean shoulders contrasting with his slim waist, tapering to his slimmer hips down his long, muscular legs. At his hips, or is it above? The V that leads to the treasures I want very much, a slight treasure trail - haha get it? Treasure + Treasure trail? - and nice abs. An eight pack, and honey.. The moment he got out of the water.

We as a whole female race spontaneously combusted. The water dripped down his long hair, droplets sliding from his sternum, to his slightly protruding pecs, to the lines of his abs, and down... down.. down.. Ohhhh, if it was possible to orgasm from a visual image, I think we all did.

So anyway.

_The man walked in, his modelesque frame carrying the purple shirt and long tapered slacks beautifully. How is it possible for a man to be so impossibly beautiful? He walked with an aura of a man who knew what he was doing. The clear virility in him hit me ever so hard. I believe mother was also affected. His hair was bound, but appeared oh so soft, the folds of his clothing hiding what I knew to be Michelangelo's work. _

_I bumped into him. Thank you God, Kami, Mother Mary, Jesus, it was the one thing any girl would hate and kill me for thank you so much! He smelled amazing, his abs against my face were firm and I could feel the obvious muscle under my cheek. My forehead hit his muscular chest and God almighty it was amazing. He smelled so good. SO SO SO GOOD... insert my raspy voice due to my desire._

_He smelled cleaner and fresher than Sasuke. It was also slightly musky and had the slightest lemon tang to him. Contradiction, but a good one. I believe he also had a slightly spicy scent coming from him. And then he opened his mouth.. ohh.._

_Husky, deep, smooth and velvety, with a masculine textured undertone. I know who Sasuke get's it from and I don't care._

_The moment that mouth opened, I received the whole package of Uchiha Itachi and pretended I couldn't feel his flaccid dick on my abdomen, because he just **talked **to brain got rid of anything that didn't say Uchiha Itachi, and replaced all those extra thoughts with **DO ME DO ME DO ME DO ME DO ME DO ME DO ME **or **TAKE OF YOUR SHIRT NOW **and lastly **PLEASE RAVAGE OR RAVISH ME JUST DO ONE OF THOSE THINGS GOD PLEASE!**_

_Believe when my panties were gone._

_I think they actually are._

Wait where did they go?

Oh I'm still wearing them.

Nevermind then.

So yeah. Uchiha Itachi talked to me, and didn't push me off him and oh my god.

_"Sakura was it?" I could only "MmHmm" while looking at him, my hands on his abdomen while he steadied me. _

_"Are you alright **Sakura?**_

_"Oh yea-yea" I replied dumbly. The effects of his rolling my name on his tongue like that were too much for me to comprehend. I hope to god I didn't drool or look like a fool._

_"I'm going upstairs, are you going to go that way as well?"_

_"Yes... I.. am..." Like why wouldn't I say that even if I were going the opposite way right?_

So sexy guy escorted me upstairs -I wish he actually were - and was a super gentleman, with his hand on my upper back. Oh his hands. Long and slim with perfectly shaped nails and the slight vein indents that showed... how can a hand possibly be erotic?

Anyway we bumped into Sasu-duck-butt, he gave Itachi a glare, and then me.. stalked off, and I lived happily ever after.

For a while.

And then he went back to his room, which is all the way at the end... after seeing me to mine, so I had to come back to reality. So what did I do? I watched Playful Kiss. Because this is a similar situation, and I will ignore that it is more so for Sasuke and I than Itachi.

Even if I still like Sasuke.

And seeing him makes my heart pound and scream in a way that Itachi can't.

I need to get over this guy.

Or .. sigh.

Time to mope for a while Sophie.

Haruno Sakura.

Dying slowly of a broken heart.

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Time: 10.58 p.m.

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Emotion: In between Crazy and Depressed

Sophie-chy-an...

I've just wasted a good five hours of my life doing nothing. I just watched episode after episode of Hot In Cleveland and The Exes... I feel so utterly depressed.. I think I've forgotten Itachi is in this house. Damn I shouldn't have thought about Sasuke. I really shouldn't have. My darn heart.

Why did you go and like the wrong guy?

Why?

Why?

There's nothing to say now. I just feel obligated to throw in a last entry before I sleep. Not sure why. Maybe in a thousand years someone will find this and will feel bad for me? Depression isn't pretty ugh. I hate it.

I want to binge.

On chocolate.

And pancakes.

And instant noodles with bacon and eggs.

Or a nice big American breakfast.

But there's no maid who will cater to me insane whims now.

I'm hungry.

Didn't have dinner. Sasuke's there and mom wasn't.

So no food except food I cook.

And Sasuke would have made me cry.

I don't want him to see me cry. He doesn't deserve it.

Le Sigh.

Night Sophie.

Haruno Sakura.

Starving.

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Review it guys! Is it just me or are the chapters getting more sexarific and long?

Cheers and tell me if it's too rushed. :)


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